Kwame returns to the pad to begin Thursday night's (April 8) penultimate episode of "The Apprentice." He declares that everything he does for the rest of the game will be done in the name of the man his Harvard Business School degree helped crush, Troy. Little does he know that the bosom buddies will be reunited soon enough.

The Final Four get the call to go to the Trump World Tower for their morning meeting. In the Esquire suite, they're greeted by George, Caroline and a quartet of anonymous, desiccated white folks who work for The Donald in only vaguely hinted at capacities. Their job is to interview Kwame, Amy, Nick and Bill and help eliminate two candidates in short order.

The first negative charge leveled against Kwame is that he has a low energy level. Amy is challenged to evaluate the Trump organization, but keeps going off on tangents. Bill pulls one of those "My biggest weakness is that I work too hard" ploys, but his interviewer, an elderly woman in fly tinted aviator goggles, isn't buying. Nick has to explain what he brings to the table beyond his alleged charisma. We know that the interviews are tough because the music rises to a shrill crescendo and the editing gets annoyingly fast.

In the boardroom, the interviewers all seem to have come away impressed by Bill. They agree that Kwame is likeable, even if he's casual. They approve of Nick's personality, but there's a consensus that he's several pencils and pens short of a complete desk set. The interviewers are also unanimous that Amy is an empty vessel and despite her most modest hemline in weeks (a full two or three inches above the knee), she seems to have gotten on everybody's nerves. Trump purses his lips, sends his helmet shaking with a nod and sends his four lackeys back to work.

In no time at all, Trump puts Kwame and Amy on the spot and asks who should be fired first. Kwame says that he couldn't respect Nick outside of a sales capacity. Amy grabs the handle of the knife wedged in Nick's back and gives a sharp twist, agreeing that he should go. The Donald giggles like a fourth grader and jokes that Nick and Amy are no longer sitting in a tree and that they may no longer be K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Is Donald Trump in any position to be making jokes about the dysfunctional relationships of his underlings?

Now down to three in the room, Bill is on the defensive. First he sniffs at Kwame's Harvard background and declares that he could have gone to Harvard if he wanted, but he was too cool for Harvard. Then he scoffs at the idea that Amy has more energy, though he resists the temptation to prove his point by doing cartwheels on the oak table.

The Donald turns to Amy and reveals that his advisors weren't in her camp. He suggests she wouldn't have respect when she walks into a room. She is fired as well.

In a single block of programming, Nick and Amy, the show's vaunted chemistry-free couple, have gone from superstars to unemployed reality television veterans. As unconsummated Thursday night duos go, they lack the white-hot conniving passion of Bah-ston Rob and his Ambah on "Survivor: All-Stars."

That leaves Bill and Kwame to fight it out for the ultimate prize.

"Dog Does Not Eat Dog," the week's slice of business advice tells us. The Final Two are called into the boardroom once again. They're each asked to serve as team leaders in coordinating a major event. Bill gets put in charge of a golf tournament, while Kwame has to mastermind (paradoxically) a Jessica Simpsons concert in Atlantic City. They have to select teams of, ohmigod, the most recently fired "Apprentice" contestants. Bill opts for Amy, Katrina and Nick and Kwame goes with Troy, Omarosa and Heidi.

Both Bill and Kwame begin by ordering around their former peers. It's difficult to know what incentive the six failures have to perform at their best. Nick is already yawning.

There are also problems in Kwame's camp. Omarosa has been put in charge of making sure that Jessica Simpson and her entourage make it to the casino on time, which means that the popster may end up sitting in the middle of the ocean looking for a floating city and fishing for either tuna or chicken. Or maybe Omarosa is just The Mole.

Indeed it seems that Omarosa is going out of her way to sink the transportation ship. She's scheming and lying. It feels like a test, but Kwame doesn't understand.

"If I'm running the show, I would fire people who weren't competent," he says.

What he doesn't remember is that he actually kinda is running the show and nobody in America would fault Kwame for canning the permanently concussed future sitcom star.

Over on Bill's team, the cigar guru is dealing with problems involving gift bag storage. Bill just rolls his eyes and talks about how he's not some mistake-prone rube. Soon, however, he's up to his neck in bag booty.

"Spider-Man 2" appears to have stolen the plot structure of "Superman II." Kneel before Zod indeed.

Clearly nothing's going to be resolved before next week's finale.

Kwame's team is doing dinner with Jessica Simpson's dad, when Omarosa steps away long enough to discover that Jessica (who Omarosa calls "the rock star") has vanished. Once again, Kwame is left muttering that in the real world, he'd never have hired her. Still, he's unconcerned, which concerns the members of his team.

Will Jessica Simpson ever be found again? Will Bill's team be buried in a sea of swag? Will Omarosa detach her jaw and devour her competition whole? And who will become "The Apprentice," anyway? Will the loser take a job straining lumps from the gravy at Kentucky Fried Chicken? Tune in next week.